Karmatick

It isn't real and you never were
I am the figment and you're a blur
A curse in mind I can't seem to break
I've already had more than I can take
Why would you want me to, in all actuality
Just a fleeting reminder of impracticality
There's nothing left here worth seeing
I hate myself for being me, for being
There is inherent dread in my existence
Pathetic malcontent, distress insistence
Any semblance of goodness was my lie
Delusions I'm entitled to, binds we tie
Alone is how I knew I'd end up. 
Better off in a ditch.
By my self and I am not enough.
Another facet of failure which
Only proves me that I wasn't wrong
Put me in the trash where I belong. 
I want to burn this entire thing to the ground.
I'm starting to hate it more than any love I have found.
How many times do I have to admit that I am not okay. 
The repetitive motion of destroying my day.
I'm not happy with this,
This sadness and constant emptiness.
why do I have to keep reminding myself.
I'll never get better but I know how to get well.
Not just a once and done,
It wouldn't be enough to only be one.
Only one and I saw less.
grieving is a process.
A goddamn problem
Beneath me, atop them...
There's not any room for vanity here.
The spectrum of self hate makes that clear.
Everything I deserve, I will get
How did I earn this hearts worth of regret?
I must be worse off a person than I thought.
Which was already much worse than not..

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Located Imbicility

Can you know the very same wisdom as I? The knowledge that came at the expense of learning. Experience isn't everything that first hands imply. Just a fraction of the fractured piece to returning. And it always comes to rest. As the sun seems to always rise for the morning. See those bleeding colors at the horizons crest. Refraction for the day that's forming. Even when i can see you, alive and right in front of me. I feel so very far from you and home. The manifesting of the end of my life, my world, most cherished piece of me. I've found the ice in this, a place where such cold was never known... It's almost impossible for me to believe and even more difficult to cope. We made it out to only ruin our own divinity. I'd relent to a higher power but keep thinking back to rope. It's all falling apart and i can only watch by helplessly. And i can see it all within you the same. Dumbfoundedness and indignation and the expanding distance. This hurt is our own and wha...
Read more

Permissions Allowed, Access Granted

I can't believe my own perceptions There's no way we let this come true It's clear from here we made wrong directions I've lost the only truth that i ever knew Everything's turned upside down And i might be swallowed up at any moment Stability has left the ground For this, there's no atonement... Everything's crumbling, I'm fragmented Was there a veil? Has it been lifted? I dont see anything but life demented It's all fucking changed, fundamentally distant And there's only dust left to sift through I'm entitled to believe my own deceptions There's no way we let this come true I thought nothing could break our connections... The best laid plans but we weren't vermin And barely human enough for self reflections Changes so subtle that we unnoticed the turning Away from the things that built our entirety The truest truths of all that i knew Only measures on a rictor of anxiety To lose my only desire, only ever wanted you And waking to a w...
Read more

Pacifist

How fast the passive fist engaged, amazed me. How fast the pacifists rage defaced peace. How at last these drastic implements increase. How come past my disasters ecstatic at its release. All semblance of order only orderly at face. A smile slackens as the eyes roll away out their sockets. Walleyed and melted on one side, everything in place. An utter waste, feign control to still succumb to the chaotic. Am I happy? Only once I mangle joy. Dismemberment of the structures. Do I make you happy too? Sequentially destroy. Mutilate the organized, constantly disrupted. Look at me, I was never to be trusted! Face-like expressions but there's nothing left to recognize. Displaced habituations, reference points disorganized. A frame for time, a frame of mind. A picture framed in a chalk outline. Can't have lost a good one, any one at all. Missing place, missing guide, less point immurement wall. Brick by brick, I'm sick, misguided and misplaced. Pointless discontent I wish could be e...
Read more